Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize