either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
