Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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