wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
