My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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