How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
