I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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