he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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