after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
