Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
