well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
