I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How naked do you want me to be?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
