even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
