apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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