Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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