It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
