Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
