I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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