Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
