i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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