i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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