My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
