go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
