The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
