why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
