He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love having hate sex.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
