I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
