Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
