my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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