I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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