I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
