every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
