So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
