I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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