u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
