May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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