He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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