dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
