where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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