"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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