if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
A+ Viking dick
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
