He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
