6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
