i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
