lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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