i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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