Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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