Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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