I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
