I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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